The Good Husband

By Lu Ann Staheli

Husbands are commanded: “… love your wives, even as Christ also loveth the church, and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25) Perhaps because we were older when we married, or maybe because my husband had good parents, or simply because of the man my husband grew to be from his life experiences, but when it comes to loving husbands, I am truly blessed. I have one of those husbands who gives freely of himself to ensure that I know how much he cares for me.

Our years together have not always been easy. Occasional squabbles, misunderstandings, and differing philosophies of handling money, parenting, and interacting with extended family have come to us just like they do with everyone else, but through each trial, we continue to have mutual respect and love for one another.

We live in a world that seems to have forgotten the principles of common courtesy. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for the rudeness that surrounds us to slip into our homes and relationships if we aren’t careful. Love begets love, and unless we remain aware of the ways we treat each other, we may find ourselves moving apart instead of staying together. This can also be true within families and friendships, not just with romantic relationships and marriages.

As equal partners, wives can take the lead in keeping relationships strong by helping her husband become the good husband she hoped for when she married.

1. Be friends. My mother always told me “marry your best friend,” and it was great advice. If you aren’t good friends, the kind who can simply sit together and enjoy the company, then you’ll soon find it easier to slip away from the closeness a marriage needs to survive. Remind yourselves of those fun things you used to do before you were married, before there were children, monthly bills, and other obligations that took you away from time spent together. Plan at least fifteen minutes to talk with each other each day. Schedule this into your planner and consider it sacred time. Do the same for a weekly or bi-monthly date. This time is important, and it keeps the two of you closer for those days once the children have married and gone.

2. Tell him what you need. Men are not mind-readers, and all too often women assume their husband already knows how they feel. When you don’t share your feelings with your husband, he will often either remain unaware or completely misinterpret what you are thinking. Either way, his reaction, or lack thereof, can force a wedge between the two of you. Men like to fix things; women want to be listened to, not lectured at. Let your husband know when you need a listening ear, someone to bounce ideas off of, or just a place to vent, rather than having him step in and try to fix it for you. Tell him right from the start what you need, before you dive into expressing your emotions.

3. Let him be the hunter and gatherer. Men were born to provide for their family, and even if you make more money than he does, let him take the lead when it comes to going forth and bringing home the provisions. My husband does the grocery shopping, but even if yours leaves this task for you ask him what he would like for meals. At family time, have your husband call the children together for meals, family prayer, and other family-oriented activities. As the head of the family, this is part of his job, to gather his tribe.

4. Let him make mistakes without tearing down his ego. Probably the most common negative image wives have borne throughout history is that of being a nag. You know the adage: You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. When we treat our husbands with respect, they give us respect in return. Nagging is not a quality of respect.

5. Be the Good Wife. Know what your husband wants from you. Despite the fact that those June Cleaver days are far behind us, husbands still have expectations for their wives. They like to see us look nice, smell nice, and talk nice. They don’t want to come home to a frump, a schlump, or a grump. Take a few minutes before your husband is due home to tidy yourself up, put on a happy face, and welcome him home. A husband who is greeted rather than attacked at the door will try harder to be a better husband for you.

Because I am a wife, I speak to wives, although these same suggestions can be applied in some respects to dating relationships, friendships, or other situations in which women must communicate with men.

As in all things, we get back what we give, and giving yourself as a good wife will do more to get you back a good husband than anything. In the words of the Lord, “love one another, as I have loved you,” and the world, and your family, will be a better place.